The Pain in Letting Go
by lyza
Summary: Emma weeps for the pain of losing her love. this is an E/B, B/S story


Disclaimer: MX is not mine. All modification with the relationship of the characters are all part of the author's/my imagination. Please don't sue me.  
  
Author's note: I heard this song entitled Broken Vows and I kinda like it so I decided to write a short FanFic from the song's idea.   
This is specially dedicated to Megara. I owe you a Brennan and Emma story. This is a sad one though. I would also like to give credit to Vampire-Jesse. I have read some of his stuffs. He's great.  
  
You might get a little confuse so please take note of these sign [ ]. These indicate memories or flashbacks. This is a very sad story. Here we go... enjoy.  
******Tell me her name   
I want to know   
The way she looks   
And where you go   
I need to see her face   
I need to understand   
Why you and I came to an end******  
  
Part I  
  
Emma sat on the couch alone. The Sanctuary has been very quiet since Brennan left. Emma found herself reminiscing of the past. She found it hard to forget the moments they shared together. Their relationship has almost lasted for two years. Though it was a secret affair, it has definitely proven to be the best she ever had.   
  
She looked at the place he and Brennan used to fool around. The dojo. She could see Brennan standing at it, looking at her with those eyes full of love and care. Those eyes, which she already called hers; the owner of those eyes who she thought she owned, now gone-Brennan, her Brennan left a week ago. This place, which used to be the sweetest and romantic place for her and him, now, is just a plain part of the Sanctuary.  
  
She stood up and began walking the path she and Brennan used to take. She tried to swallow but she found her throat was dry. Her flesh shivered at the memories of Brennan and her together. They used to walk this path together, hand in hand. Now, there is no one to hold her hand while walking the path.  
  
Emma smiled at the groups' frequent question to her and Brennan: "Are you two dating?". They would shake their heads. Both of them agreed not to tell anyone about them; their affair, not that they are ashamed of it, they just want to find the right time. Emma found it hard to pretend but Brennan told her that if he could do it, she could do it too.  
  
There was a time when Jesse found them in Brennan's room. She had to pretend to be healing Brennan. She could almost laugh for Brennan was not doing his best in his acting. Jesse spent a week in asking her again and again about her and Brennan.  
  
Jesse wasn't the only one who had a hint. Adam spent months in throwing catchy questions to Brennan but Brennan is a very good liar at that. He would led Adam to a different issue.   
  
Brennan would always worry about her the most and it never fails to bring up an idea to Adam and Jesse, sometimes, even to Shalimar.   
  
Their frequent nights out; the moments they shared together; the nights they shared, those were like pieces of the puzzle Adam and Jesse tried to finish. She learned to lie for her and Brennan but now, there is nothing to lie about.  
***** Tell me again   
I want to hear   
Who broke my faith in all these years   
Who lays with you at night   
When I'm here all alone   
Remembering when I was your own*****  
  
Part II  
  
Emma couldn't keep the pain anymore. Tears came rushing out from her eyes. She could hear Brennan in her mind. She remembered how very excited she was when he told her that he has something to say.   
  
Emma thought Brennan would be proposing marriage to her. Who would not think the same? They have been together for almost two years. She thought Brennan probably wanted to tell group about them.  
  
Emma prepared her acceptance speech. She even prepared her best dress for the night. Emma was very much excited until the moment finally came.  
  
[Brennan held her hands in his and sighed. "Why do you have to be so wonderful?" he started. Emma's heart started to pound hard. That was not a very good opening if you are to propose for marriage. What is he trying to tell her? Emma's mind blurred in confusion. This was not what she expected.  
Emma could hear Brennan's breathing. They stayed silent for about a minute or two until she decided to break the silence by saying 'I love you'. Brennan placed his fingers on her lips.   
"Stop Emma. You're making it harder."  
'Harder for what?' Her mind wanted to ask him but her mouth refused to let the words out. Emma listened carefully as Brennan tried speaking again.   
"I never meant to do this Emma. You are one of the most wonderful things that had happen to me." Brennan begun and he sighed again. "But..."  
'But?... what is he talking about?' Emma's brain started to pound together with her heart beat.  
" I'm in love with someone else."  
Words dried out from Emma's throat. She couldn't speak or react. "Tell me you're lying." Her voice was soft but was shaking. "You're not serious Bren."   
But the tears from Brennan's eyes told her everything.]  
  
Emma looked around her. She was taken back to reality by a noise she heard. No one was there. She caught a reflection of herself in the computer monitor. What happened to them? She has no idea. She has to move on-her mind tells her but her heart keeps on repeating only one name. 'Brennan! Brennan! Come back Brennan!  
***** Tell me the words I never said   
Show me the tears you never shed   
Give me the touch   
That one you promised to be mine   
Or has it vanished for all time*****  
  
Part III  
  
Emma still remembered the words he used to tell her. She knew she wouldn't hear them anymore. The pain is really excruciating for her. She walked back to the couch where she and Brennan used to sit together.   
  
"Emma!" she heard someone call her name. She looked beside her. She could see Brennan sitting there. Her mind took her away again to the night Brennan slipped away from her.  
  
["Are you saying goodbye?" she asked him. Brennan nodded as the tears streamed from his eyes. "May I know who she is?" those words suddenly slid out of her mouth. She knew it would be too painful to know the name of the woman who took her life away from her but she needed to know.   
Brennan looked at her and shook his head. "I'm sorry Ems. I can't."  
"Does she loves you more than I do?" Emma swallowed to hid the lumps in her throat then she saw Brennan doing the same. She didn't have to be a psionic to know that Brennan is in love with someone who does not love him in the same way, but she needed to hear it from him.  
Brennan looked at her with those teary eyes and shook his head. "I don't really know." He admitted.   
Emma felt Brennan slipping away from her and she had to do something before she loses him completely. "Brennan!" she called him and she waited for him to look at her again. "Why did you stop loving me?" Emma could feel her heart break. Her chest could explode anytime soon.   
Brennan did not say anything. Maybe he thought it wouldn't be good to tell her when. His answer would just hurt Emma more.  
"I'm sorry Emma." He said. "Let end this now. I don't want to hurt you more than this.   
'More than this? What is painful more than this? You didn't want to hurt me? What do you think you are doing? You're killing me Bren.' Emma thought as her mind started bleeding to its death. The wall that is protecting her from the world is starting to collapse. "But you promise to stay with me. You said you would never leave me."  
"I'm sorry. I can't keep my promise now." Brennan apologized. "Goodbye!"]  
  
***** I close my eyes   
And dream of you and I   
And then I realize   
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies   
I close my eyes   
I'd give away my soul   
To hold you once again   
And never let this promise end*****  
  
Part IV  
  
["Brennan!" Emma called out to him as he started to leave. Tears leaked from the tiny holes of her emerald colored eyes. She looked down, sighed, and looked at him again. "Can I just..." she placed her hands over her mouth to keep her silent sobs. "Can I just hold you...one last time." She looked at him with those sad eyes. She stepped closer to him. "Please? Just one last time!" Emma begged.  
Emma placed her hands on Brennan's cheeks, tracing his jaw line, down to his chest. She reached out her other hand to touch his lips. ~this are mine ~ she told herself. ~mine ~   
Emma smiled at him then without warning she threw her arms around him and sobbed on his chest. "Hold me please, Brennan." She begged. "Hold me like you're never letting go."  
Brennan placed his arms around her and hugged her tightly, like he used to do. ~I'm sorry ~ his mind whispered, hoping she would receive it. He didn't planned for this. He didn't want to hurt the woman who gave everything for him. Hurting Emma would be the last thing in his mind.  
Emma pulled back and she looked at him. "Please stay tonight Bren. Then, after I've fallen into sleep, you could leave me. I won't stop you." she told him as she tried to adorn her face with a smile. "Please!" she begged him.  
Brennan laid Emma on her bed. This would be the last time he would sleep with her; this is the last time his skin would touch hers; this would be the last time his lips would kiss hers; this would be the last time his heart would give her space before it completely closes for her.   
Emma accepted his kiss with tears in her eyes. She surrendered her body to him; she gave her soul for this late night; she gave her everything just to feel him next to her. She felt his heating flesh enter her and it filled her in a very special way. She closed her eyes as her brain marks this specific moment of her life.   
Brennan could hear Emma's moans entwined with her cries. He bit her flesh and left his creative marks on her shoulder as she dig her nails on his flesh. He really wished 'they' would never end but his heart now belongs to someone else.  
Emma's eyes flew open when she heard Brennan's cry. ~He was calling for someone else. She? ~ Emma heard him clearly. Brennan was really throwing away the years they spent together for ... ~Why? Why with her? ~ Emma's tears flowed down her cheeks. Emma have given him, her last juice and Brennan have given her his last. It's over. Their last dance ended.]  
  
***** I'll let you go   
I'll let you fly   
Why do I keep on asking why   
I'll let you go   
Now that I found   
A way to keep somehow   
More than a broken vow*****  
  
Part V  
  
Months ago, the Sanctuary have been silent since Shalimar left. She told Adam she would take a year off. She didn't explain why, just that she needed it. Now, it has been a lot serene.   
Emma didn't needed Shalimar's explanation why she left. She knew she left to avoid being with Brennan. Shalimar has been her best friend and she has told Shalimar what she felt for Brennan. It was too late when she read Shalimar and found out that she was in love with Brennan too. Emma knew Shalimar was making a big sacrifice for her and she would like to thank her but Shalimar's giving up Brennan for Emma would meant nothing now. Brennan didn't know that Shalimar loved him just the same. He didn't knew why she left but he still wanted to have her so he left Emma.  
  
Emma cried with all her might and she broke down carelessly.   
  
"Oh my god! Emma! What are you doing on the floor?" Jesse called out when he entered the rec room and found Emma weeping on the floor.  
  
"Jesse!" Emma she sobbed. "He was my everything. How could he do this to me?"   
Jesse run beside her and pulled her near to him. "Everything is going to be all right Emma." He consoled her.  
  
"How? How will life be all right when my very reason for living is gone?" she cried. Emma felt Jesse's concern and she knew he wanted to help. "Tell me what to do and I'll do it." Emma looked at Jesse with all expectations. "Tell me how to live without him. Tell me how, Jess." She cried.  
  
Jesse rocked her weak body back and fort. "Life has to go on Emma. This is only a phase. We are still here. I am still here."  
  
Emma's cry slowly ended and she thought: ~Jesse's right. Life has to go on. I have let him go-physically. Now I have to let him go-whole-heartedly. I would be happy for him. Yes, it hurts but the pain is only a reminder that I'm still alive. ~  
  
Emma cried her last tear. This would be the last time she would cry for him. She knew there was a reason why 'they' ended. There is nothing she could do. Brennan's gone but she has to go on; she'll find it in her heart to be happy for the man that she love... she will...  
*****Tell me her name I want to know, the way she looks and where you go. I need to see her face I need to understand, why you and I came to an end  
Tell me again I want to hear, who broke my faith in all these years, who lays with you at night when I'm here all alone, remembering when I was your own  
Tell me the words I never said. Show me the tears you never shed. Give me the touch that one you promised to be mine, or has it vanished for all time  
I close my eyes and dream of you and I and then I realize there's more to life than only bitterness and lies I close my eyes I'd give away my soul to hold you once again and never let this promise end  
I'll let you go. I'll let you fly. Why do I keep on asking why? I'll let you go, now that I found a way to keep somehow more than a broken vow******  
***Lyza***  
So what do you think? I'm not good in writing love scenes but I wrote this anyway before the idea left my head. It's quite sad though. Please review. I needed to know what you think. Please do critic my work. Thanks. 


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